I realized something...I left out a key part to this message! Yikes! We don't get to choose our husband's behavior! Now, if ever there should be a loop hole, this is it! We don't get to only submit and revere our husbands out of Christ's love for us when they behave or when they reciprocate. We are called to do this no matter what their behavior. I was reading this, thinking ((dream sequence)) "wow. I am going to have such a perfect life that June Cleaver will be jealous. I will be so loving, kind and Christ-like that my sweet lovin' man will have no choice but to pamper, love, adore, shower me with expensive gifts and rub my feet..."
It could happen. Will it? Probably not. Maybe an occasional foot rub, definitely he will still love me. But pamper and showering with gifts probably won't happen immediately. True, but I don't greet him at the door in a dress and holding a martini either. Heck, I am usually pretty frazzled by the time he walks in the door so I think I'm doing good if I just greet him with a smile! I will work on that though.
Anyways, ladies, we are not responsible for their behavior and we are not to spend our lives reacting. So we put ourselves out there and submit and he acts like a butt~ then so be it. We are honoring Christ and we have to remember that. Let God do the heavy lifting. It is kinda like being being that annoying person on the customer service line that only is allowed to say good things. But if you have a ginormous complaint that needs resolution, they have to call in their manager. You get to be the schmo who is annoyingly happy and just wants to make sure you have a good experience. God gets to be the manager who fixes stuff and maybe tells you the hard truths that Mrs. Sunshine can't bring herself around to doing.
To sum it up in a few words- which I clearly have yet to do: Worry about you and your behavior. Let God bring him around if needed. It isn't your job to nag (darnit!) him, chide him (dangit!) or beat him (dadgummit!) into the perfect husband.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I have been doing this all wrong. Third time is a charm!
Today was a very special day for us in the Clement home! In honor of the month for love, Ben and I renewed our vows. Some of y'all know us intimately, some of us just know of us...so I guess I can start with a story to help you get to know us a little better.
Ben and I met at church in mid 2005. We began dating in August, had a world wind romance and eloped on November 4th of that same year. You can do the math...it was about 13 weeks, start to finish. Poof, we were married. We later had a service with the full dress, flowers and whatnot on December 31st. So, by the end of 2005, I had been married twice (to the same man).
Rather than bore you with a lot of details of the last few years, I will say this: These last five years have been hard. They have been joyous, maddening, fun, frustrating, filled with peril, health issues, lay offs, financial hardships...They have been full of lots of good stuff too, but they have not been easy. So much for the honeymoon!
So here I was today, listening to the preacher talk about all that fun stuff you hear in a wedding and some stuff not typically discussed and it dawned on me: I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS ALL WRONG!
I give myself too much credit by saying it "dawned on me". Really, God kinda spoke to me through our Pastor's message and said; You are doing this wrong!
So let me put things into perspective here...Scenario 1. My husband wants to do something that I KNOW is not a good idea. So I thought my God given duty was to bring my husband around to a correct way of thinking. Wouldn't that be what God would want me to do? I firmly believe that there should be a loop hole in Ephesians 5 where I get to explain to my husband why we are not doing what he (our men) want because God would prefer that we didn't. Guess what gals?! There isn't. So what is pleasing to God is my submitting, even when I think he's lost his dagum mind.
A friend recently related to me that her husband was convinced that he needed something that she felt was not necessary or affordable. But he had made up his mind and was desperately trying to get her buy in. She submitted to his wishes because even though she still felt the decision was wrong, God can work in her obedience. God will bless her obedience of submitting to her husband. Now really, I would have gone into theatrics to bring him around to my (right) way of thinking. But guess what...God CAN'T bless that. He does not go outside of His word and His word says, wives, submit to your husbands out of reverence for our Lord. There is no verse that say "wives, submit to your husbands only when he's right and being nice and gives you a back rub with no expectations." Believe me. I looked, and looked, and looked. Not there.
(I kinda feel like putting in a disclaimer for those of you who may happen upon this blog and who do not serve the Lord...If your hubby is asking you do something directly AGAINST God's word, then stand your ground. Like, honey, let's go rob a bank = NO. Extreme, I know, but you get the point.)
I am supposed to love Ben not only because God loves him too, but because God loves me. I am supposed to submit to him out of reverence for God, not out of reverence to Ben. I have been looking for the qualities that God sees in Ben, rather than looking for God. I have been asking God to show me how to love Ben rather than seeking and loving God. I have been submitting myself to Ben with my teeth gritted and fists clenched because the Bible tells me to. I should have been submitting myself to my husband out of reverence for God and not because it is pleasing to my Ben, but because it is pleasing to my God. Of course, Ben is a fan too.
So my goal is to honor Christ by submitting to my husband. Not to honor him because he is honorable. Not to love him because he's lovely. Not to revere him because he reveres me. None of that has to matter. What does matter is that God loved me so much that He gave His Son, Jesus. God loved me so much that he gave me a guide and some rules to follow to make the most of this life He gave me. God wants my marriage to be a model of Him and His church for all the world to see.
Besides, how much better can that make my marriage? Third time is a charm I guess.
Love to all!
Ben and I met at church in mid 2005. We began dating in August, had a world wind romance and eloped on November 4th of that same year. You can do the math...it was about 13 weeks, start to finish. Poof, we were married. We later had a service with the full dress, flowers and whatnot on December 31st. So, by the end of 2005, I had been married twice (to the same man).
Rather than bore you with a lot of details of the last few years, I will say this: These last five years have been hard. They have been joyous, maddening, fun, frustrating, filled with peril, health issues, lay offs, financial hardships...They have been full of lots of good stuff too, but they have not been easy. So much for the honeymoon!
So here I was today, listening to the preacher talk about all that fun stuff you hear in a wedding and some stuff not typically discussed and it dawned on me: I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS ALL WRONG!
I give myself too much credit by saying it "dawned on me". Really, God kinda spoke to me through our Pastor's message and said; You are doing this wrong!
So let me put things into perspective here...Scenario 1. My husband wants to do something that I KNOW is not a good idea. So I thought my God given duty was to bring my husband around to a correct way of thinking. Wouldn't that be what God would want me to do? I firmly believe that there should be a loop hole in Ephesians 5 where I get to explain to my husband why we are not doing what he (our men) want because God would prefer that we didn't. Guess what gals?! There isn't. So what is pleasing to God is my submitting, even when I think he's lost his dagum mind.
A friend recently related to me that her husband was convinced that he needed something that she felt was not necessary or affordable. But he had made up his mind and was desperately trying to get her buy in. She submitted to his wishes because even though she still felt the decision was wrong, God can work in her obedience. God will bless her obedience of submitting to her husband. Now really, I would have gone into theatrics to bring him around to my (right) way of thinking. But guess what...God CAN'T bless that. He does not go outside of His word and His word says, wives, submit to your husbands out of reverence for our Lord. There is no verse that say "wives, submit to your husbands only when he's right and being nice and gives you a back rub with no expectations." Believe me. I looked, and looked, and looked. Not there.
(I kinda feel like putting in a disclaimer for those of you who may happen upon this blog and who do not serve the Lord...If your hubby is asking you do something directly AGAINST God's word, then stand your ground. Like, honey, let's go rob a bank = NO. Extreme, I know, but you get the point.)
I am supposed to love Ben not only because God loves him too, but because God loves me. I am supposed to submit to him out of reverence for God, not out of reverence to Ben. I have been looking for the qualities that God sees in Ben, rather than looking for God. I have been asking God to show me how to love Ben rather than seeking and loving God. I have been submitting myself to Ben with my teeth gritted and fists clenched because the Bible tells me to. I should have been submitting myself to my husband out of reverence for God and not because it is pleasing to my Ben, but because it is pleasing to my God. Of course, Ben is a fan too.
So my goal is to honor Christ by submitting to my husband. Not to honor him because he is honorable. Not to love him because he's lovely. Not to revere him because he reveres me. None of that has to matter. What does matter is that God loved me so much that He gave His Son, Jesus. God loved me so much that he gave me a guide and some rules to follow to make the most of this life He gave me. God wants my marriage to be a model of Him and His church for all the world to see.
Besides, how much better can that make my marriage? Third time is a charm I guess.
Love to all!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Wadded up socks and all...
I had an epiphany this morning. If we take the time to listen, God is speaking to us all the time and in all things to shape and mold us into the person in Christ we are intended to be. All we need do is have a ready heart and a keen ear and his messages will come flooding into our souls. Like this morning...
I have begged, pleaded and even chided my sweet lovin' husband since the first time I did laundry as a married woman; please, for the love of Pete...turn your socks right side out! This has been a twice weekly conversation now for almost six years. Every time I load the washing machine with whites, there they sit. Staring back at me. Balled up socks. See, my husband takes his socks off from the top, not the toes and pulls them inside out when they slip off. They fall off his toes in a little wad. I cringe nightly as he takes his socks off to get in the shower after arriving home from work because I know that I will find them on the floor, in a sweaty little sock wad. So I gingerly pick them up or fuss at him until they find their way into the hamper, unwilling to touch his sweaty socks until they have cooled. And there they cool, in the bottom of the laundry pile awaiting whites day.
Well, here we are. This morning, I have enough whites to bleach. And here I am, grumbling and complaining about his wadded up socks. Seriously, even my kids know better by now. But Ben...nothing. Every single time I hear "okay honey, I will do better next time." And every time, same wadded up socks. So I un-wad and grumble. Grumble and un-wad. Every. Single. Pair. I head to the bedroom to put away the clothes I just folded and there they are...Jeans, hung on the door's hook. Three pairs. Just yesterday, I said "Please!! For the love of Pete! Hang up your pants! If you only wore them for a few minutes and they are still clean, put them on a hanger!" Yesterday, there were two. Today, there are three. UGH. I hang up the jeans and grumble off to take a shower.
Then it hits me. The words of a sage...Don't expect your same behavior out of others. Granted, the words were about a totally different subject that I will explain very shortly, but God impressed me with the fact that here I have a pretty darn good husband. He works hard, he loves me with every fiber of his being. But heaven help him, he's still just a man. I take my socks off from the toes. That doesn't make it the "right" way. I completely forgot about the fact that he cleaned the kitchen for me on Friday night. Or that he practically waited on me hand and foot on Saturday night so I could finish my crocheting. Then, I thought of my friend who lost her husband unexpectedly and I cried as thought that she would probably give anything for one more pair of his wadded up socks simply because that would mean he was still there doing the wadding. One more pair of jeans to hang up means he was still there another day.
So then the Lord showed me my frustration with people I encounter every single day and the words of my pal come back to me. If you expect "saved" behavior out of unsaved people, you will always be frustrated. How much good fruit can I bear with frustration being the first fruit of my life? Jesus said in Matthew 7:16 "By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?" He was referring to His followers. Not the world. In Romans 12:2 we find the following: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Those are directed at believers. Those who follow Christ.
The world's behavior should look different to us. It should break our hearts and create a passion in us to bring Christ to them...however, to hold the world accountable for our standard is not at all correct. We have been set apart. We have been saved and recognize that our debt of sin has been paid. They do not. We HAVE TO TELL THEM! But if we go into the world, full of frustration, full of anger rather than full of the fruit of the Spirit, they won't hear us.
Just like those darn socks. I have been telling my husband, full of frustration that his socks are a problem for me. They frustrate me while I do laundry. Rather, I should thank him for all he does for our family and just pull the wadded up sock out of it's wad. Maybe one day, he'll get it. Odds are, he won't. But I guess that will be okay too.
Lord, create in us a desire to do Your will. Even with simple tasks like laundry and honoring our spouse. Create in us a love for Your people, saved and unsaved. Give us a desire to seek You, and to bear good fruit. Allow the fruits of the Spirit to be developed in us, so that we may be equipped to get out there and change the world in Your name and for Your Greatness! And if you so happen to remind my sweet lovin' man to un-wad his socks, I would be okay with that too. But if he doesn't, allow me to always see him through Your eyes and love him like You do, wadded up socks and all.
Y'all have a good day!
I have begged, pleaded and even chided my sweet lovin' husband since the first time I did laundry as a married woman; please, for the love of Pete...turn your socks right side out! This has been a twice weekly conversation now for almost six years. Every time I load the washing machine with whites, there they sit. Staring back at me. Balled up socks. See, my husband takes his socks off from the top, not the toes and pulls them inside out when they slip off. They fall off his toes in a little wad. I cringe nightly as he takes his socks off to get in the shower after arriving home from work because I know that I will find them on the floor, in a sweaty little sock wad. So I gingerly pick them up or fuss at him until they find their way into the hamper, unwilling to touch his sweaty socks until they have cooled. And there they cool, in the bottom of the laundry pile awaiting whites day.
Well, here we are. This morning, I have enough whites to bleach. And here I am, grumbling and complaining about his wadded up socks. Seriously, even my kids know better by now. But Ben...nothing. Every single time I hear "okay honey, I will do better next time." And every time, same wadded up socks. So I un-wad and grumble. Grumble and un-wad. Every. Single. Pair. I head to the bedroom to put away the clothes I just folded and there they are...Jeans, hung on the door's hook. Three pairs. Just yesterday, I said "Please!! For the love of Pete! Hang up your pants! If you only wore them for a few minutes and they are still clean, put them on a hanger!" Yesterday, there were two. Today, there are three. UGH. I hang up the jeans and grumble off to take a shower.
Then it hits me. The words of a sage...Don't expect your same behavior out of others. Granted, the words were about a totally different subject that I will explain very shortly, but God impressed me with the fact that here I have a pretty darn good husband. He works hard, he loves me with every fiber of his being. But heaven help him, he's still just a man. I take my socks off from the toes. That doesn't make it the "right" way. I completely forgot about the fact that he cleaned the kitchen for me on Friday night. Or that he practically waited on me hand and foot on Saturday night so I could finish my crocheting. Then, I thought of my friend who lost her husband unexpectedly and I cried as thought that she would probably give anything for one more pair of his wadded up socks simply because that would mean he was still there doing the wadding. One more pair of jeans to hang up means he was still there another day.
So then the Lord showed me my frustration with people I encounter every single day and the words of my pal come back to me. If you expect "saved" behavior out of unsaved people, you will always be frustrated. How much good fruit can I bear with frustration being the first fruit of my life? Jesus said in Matthew 7:16 "By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?" He was referring to His followers. Not the world. In Romans 12:2 we find the following: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Those are directed at believers. Those who follow Christ.
The world's behavior should look different to us. It should break our hearts and create a passion in us to bring Christ to them...however, to hold the world accountable for our standard is not at all correct. We have been set apart. We have been saved and recognize that our debt of sin has been paid. They do not. We HAVE TO TELL THEM! But if we go into the world, full of frustration, full of anger rather than full of the fruit of the Spirit, they won't hear us.
Just like those darn socks. I have been telling my husband, full of frustration that his socks are a problem for me. They frustrate me while I do laundry. Rather, I should thank him for all he does for our family and just pull the wadded up sock out of it's wad. Maybe one day, he'll get it. Odds are, he won't. But I guess that will be okay too.
Lord, create in us a desire to do Your will. Even with simple tasks like laundry and honoring our spouse. Create in us a love for Your people, saved and unsaved. Give us a desire to seek You, and to bear good fruit. Allow the fruits of the Spirit to be developed in us, so that we may be equipped to get out there and change the world in Your name and for Your Greatness! And if you so happen to remind my sweet lovin' man to un-wad his socks, I would be okay with that too. But if he doesn't, allow me to always see him through Your eyes and love him like You do, wadded up socks and all.
Y'all have a good day!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Recipe time again! Of course, with many recipes, there is a back story...and this one is no exception.
So...I have been feeling a wee bit under the weather with a sinus infection and upper respiratory infection, yet was unwilling to break plans with some friends of ours last night. Thank goodness our friends aren't too uppity, so simple meals work out well during times like this. Now, I like to cook a big southern meal for my friends and family, but last night they would have gotten bologna sandwiches if it weren't for my wonderful son, Joshua and my spark of genius. My modesty is another gift, but we will save that for a later date.
The big idea?? Hot dog buffet, baby! It was super simple...bags of snack chips in a big bowl, hot dogs and buns on a plate and condiments all in a row. My son made a pot of homemade chili (with mom's help of course) and we were all set! In honor of a wonderful tasting, super easy chili, I am giving you the recipe. My wonderful Aunt Dorothy gave me this recipe at Thanksgiving, 2000 along with her church's cook book, published in 1994. To this day, it is one of my favorites!
Savory Chili
4 stalks celery with leaves, chopped
3 green onions, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 large onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
1 Tbsp. vegetable oil
2 lbs. ground beef
1 (15 oz) can tomato sauce
1 (6 oz) can tomato paste
2 c. water
3 Tbsp. chili powder
1 tsp. salt
dash of pepper
1 (16 oz) can kidney beans, undrained
Saute celery, green onion, garlic, onion and pepper in oil in a large dutch oven until tender. Add ground beef and brown, stirring to crumble meat; drain well. Add tomato sauce, paste, water, chili powder, salt and pepper to beef mixture. Stir well. Bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer, uncovered, 30 minutes or until desired consistency. Add kidney beans the last 15 minutes. Serve with the following condiments if desired: shredded lettuce, shredded cheddar cheese, diced onion, tortilla chips. Yields 10 cups.
I am no food photographer, despite the picture, the taste was great!
So...I have been feeling a wee bit under the weather with a sinus infection and upper respiratory infection, yet was unwilling to break plans with some friends of ours last night. Thank goodness our friends aren't too uppity, so simple meals work out well during times like this. Now, I like to cook a big southern meal for my friends and family, but last night they would have gotten bologna sandwiches if it weren't for my wonderful son, Joshua and my spark of genius. My modesty is another gift, but we will save that for a later date.
The big idea?? Hot dog buffet, baby! It was super simple...bags of snack chips in a big bowl, hot dogs and buns on a plate and condiments all in a row. My son made a pot of homemade chili (with mom's help of course) and we were all set! In honor of a wonderful tasting, super easy chili, I am giving you the recipe. My wonderful Aunt Dorothy gave me this recipe at Thanksgiving, 2000 along with her church's cook book, published in 1994. To this day, it is one of my favorites!
Savory Chili
4 stalks celery with leaves, chopped
3 green onions, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 large onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
1 Tbsp. vegetable oil
2 lbs. ground beef
1 (15 oz) can tomato sauce
1 (6 oz) can tomato paste
2 c. water
3 Tbsp. chili powder
1 tsp. salt
dash of pepper
1 (16 oz) can kidney beans, undrained
Here's Levi helping with the chili. Josh was the chef, Levi was his sous chef.
I am no food photographer, despite the picture, the taste was great!
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