I have been doing this all wrong. Third time is a charm!

Today was a very special day for us in the Clement home!  In honor of the month for love, Ben and I renewed our vows.  Some of y'all know us intimately, some of us just know of us...so I guess I can start with a story to help you get to know us a little better. 

Ben and I met at church in mid 2005.  We began dating in August, had a world wind romance and eloped on November 4th of that same year.  You can do the math...it was about 13 weeks, start to finish.  Poof, we were married.  We later had a service with the full dress, flowers and whatnot on December 31st.  So, by the end of 2005, I had been married twice (to the same man).

Rather than bore you with a lot of details of the last few years, I will say this:  These last five years have been hard.  They have been joyous, maddening, fun, frustrating, filled with peril, health issues, lay offs, financial hardships...They have been full of lots of good stuff too, but they have not been easy.  So much for the honeymoon!

So here I was today, listening to the preacher talk about all that fun stuff you hear in a wedding and some stuff not typically discussed and it dawned on me:  I HAVE BEEN DOING THIS ALL WRONG! 

I give myself too much credit by saying it "dawned on me".  Really, God kinda spoke to me through our Pastor's message and said;  You are doing this wrong!

So let me put things into perspective here...Scenario 1.  My husband wants to do something that I KNOW is not a good idea.  So I thought my God given duty was to bring my husband around to a correct way of thinking.  Wouldn't that be what God would want me to do?  I firmly believe that there should be a loop hole in Ephesians 5 where I get to explain to my husband why we are not doing what he (our men) want because God would prefer that we didn't.  Guess what gals?!  There isn't.  So what is pleasing to God is my submitting, even when I think he's lost his dagum mind. 

A friend recently related to me that her husband was convinced that he needed something that she felt was not necessary or affordable.  But he had made up his mind and was desperately trying to get her buy in.  She submitted to his wishes because even though she still felt the decision was wrong, God can work in her obedience.  God will bless her obedience of submitting to her husband.  Now really, I would have gone into theatrics to bring him around to my (right) way of thinking.  But guess what...God CAN'T bless that.  He does not go outside of His word and His word says, wives, submit to your husbands out of reverence for our Lord.  There is no verse that say "wives, submit to your husbands only when he's right and being nice and gives you a back rub with no expectations."  Believe me.  I looked, and looked, and looked.  Not there. 

(I kinda feel like putting in a disclaimer for those of you who may happen upon this blog and who do not serve the Lord...If your hubby is asking you do something directly AGAINST God's word, then stand your ground.  Like, honey, let's go rob a bank = NO. Extreme, I know, but you get the point.)

I am supposed to love Ben not only because God loves him too, but because God loves me. I am supposed to submit to him out of reverence for God, not out of reverence to Ben. I have been looking for the qualities that God sees in Ben, rather than looking for God. I have been asking God to show me how to love Ben rather than seeking and loving God. I have been submitting myself to Ben with my teeth gritted and fists clenched because the Bible tells me to. I should have been submitting myself to my husband out of reverence for God and not because it is pleasing to my Ben, but because it is pleasing to my God.  Of course, Ben is a fan too.

So my goal is to honor Christ by submitting to my husband.  Not to honor him because he is honorable.  Not to love him because he's lovely.  Not to revere him because he reveres me.  None of that has to matter.  What does matter is that God loved me so much that He gave His Son, Jesus.  God loved me so much that he gave me a guide and some rules to follow to make the most of this life He gave me.  God wants my marriage to be a model of Him and His church for all the world to see. 

Besides, how much better can that make my marriage?  Third time is a charm I guess. 

Love to all!