Hedges, Little Boys and Me

Once again, I find myself not writing about food.  Don't get me wrong, I still love food, but that just isn't what is on my mind today.  I was listening to the Family Life Today broadcast and it brought up a subject I feel very, very, very strongly about...so here I am to write about it.  I posted a link, so I am not stuck here trying to regurgitate the information shared by folks who are a heck of a lot smarter and more well spoken than I am... but how do all these things relate to my little family?

I didn't tune in early enough to catch the name of the speaker, though I was plenty early to get the meat of his message- but I am pretty sure that you will know if you click on the link...  He was discussing the importance of putting hedges, or barriers around our marriages.  I have known so many people who have lost their marriages over this very thing.  Or lack thereof I should say.  People who started out with the best of intentions when they said their vows but no real knowledge of how to honor those same vows.  They were under the false guise that their hearts would lead them deeper and deeper in love with their spouse, rather than their hearts leading them into destruction.  Some of us know that the heart is wicked and deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and that we must lead our hearts, rather than follow our hearts. 

What on earth does that mean?  Lets be really honest here.  I am a married woman and my husband is a wonderful, kind, caring man.  I couldn't ask for better.  But...if I followed my heart toward every little whim, I would have probably ran off by now.  Some of you know me well enough to know that I am a runner.  I don't stick during hard times, I run.  So it is vital that I lead my heart rather than allow my heart to lead me.  Now don't read too much into this here- my Ben is wonderful and I love him and I am not going anywhere unless the Lord calls me home.  I am just a sinner, prone to do things that will hurt me and my family and have been saved by Jesus.  Plain and simple. 

What does this have to do with hedges?  No, not shrubbery y'all!  Hedges are those little things that you place around you, your family, your marriage to hem them in.  My husband and I have a relationship of mutual trust, however we also don't put ourselves in compromising positions.  For example, someone at Ben's job needed a ride home from work yesterday.  There was no one available to help her out, so Ben called me to let me know that he was giving this young lady a ride home...and then managed to stay on the phone with me the entire time.  Now, did he need to call and ask my permission?  By no means.  But do I appreciate that he was willing to let me know what he was doing?  Absolutely.  There will be no false reports, no jealousy, no wondering what he was doing.  I remember a time shortly after we were married when he called me that an old friend of the opposite sex dropped by unannounced while I was still at work.  He called me from outside the house unwilling to go sit inside with this gal alone since I was no where to be found.  It isn't a matter of trust here, it was a matter of honor.  He honored me with his unwillingness to place himself in a position of compromise.  I wasn't worried that he would do a thing, but what would it look like?  If you take care of how things look, you take care of how they are.  I will say though, that my son was none to happy because he was not allowed to go play and had to entertain our "guest" until I arrived at home! 

Hedges and little boys...my husband and I are raising two fun and challenging boys.  How in the world am I to teach them of these things in a sexually charged world?  My oldest is finally starting to recognize the opposite sex, which makes for very scary waters for this mom.  How do I teach my sons to lead their hearts when there are so many things that compete for their attention?  We go to the mall and walk past at least two lingerie shops, countless teenage and young twenty-somethings who are barely dressed.  How am I supposed to teach him to honor women who don't honor themselves?  How to I tell him to respect women who don't have the good sense to cover their breasts in public and in the middle of the coldest winter Georgia has seen in almost 30 years?  Right now, it is simply that I say "look at your shoes" until the ad, person, group, whatever passes or is passed.  Needless to say, we look at our shoes A LOT.  My husband and my son, walking through the mall studying their shoes trying not to run into stuff is actually pretty funny.  But...part of leading your heart is controlling what your little eyes see.

My greatest hope is that my kids will see the boundaries that my husband and I have in place and realize that these are for good, not control.  They honor each other rather than take away rights.  I don't go into another man's house alone, I don't let a man in here alone.  I don't go out with the boys (a tough adjustment for this guy's girl) and he doesn't go out with the girls.  We just don't allow that to happen.  I don't go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex without a mediator present (mediator is a poor choice of words, but it was the only one I could come up with).  It isn't so hard now, but it was terribly difficult and inconvenient when I was working full time.  But it is worth it.  Mutual trust is ALWAYS worth it.  Your marriage is worth it.  Your kids are worth it.  Your Savior is worth it. 

Always lead your heart.  It will lead you down some terrible paths if allowed.  Protect your family, your marriage and your heart.  Love y'all!